The Psychology of Spending | Part 3: Willpower Defense
Awareness of a scheme alone, in my opinion, does not mean you will not fall into the financial trap that has been set for us. It takes will and determination to overcome a personal vice.
Please entertain a short tangent.
Back in 2003, I found myself preparing for U.S. Army Basic Training. Almost everyone I knew was telling me how hard it would be and all the horror stories about military training, even though not one had ever served. I spent many nights wondering how exactly my world was about to change and the only thing I knew for sure is that I would be tired and yelled at a lot.
In Part 2, we talked about how dopamine, the ‘pleasure chemical’, makes shopping feel so good.
Well… I was right! I was tired and I was yelled at a lot. What I realized is that all of us trainees came to Basic Training with the same understanding and the same ignorance about what this training was all about. Basic Training was broken up in to three phases: Red, White, and Blue. Each phase was increasingly more relaxed. Red phase is what was called ‘total control.’ This is where you can’t do anything without the permission of your Drill Sergeant… anything. Everything we did was incorrect and required that we be punished via creative physical exercises until our instructors were tired.
I remember many people quitting during Red phase, and in hindsight I understand this was the point. The U.S. Army did not want weak, fragile, quitters among it’s ranks. In full transparency, I spent many hours pulling Fire Watch Duty in the middle of the night wondering if I had made the right decision, but there was something in my mind that I kept going back to, “I can do this.” After finishing all the training and getting to my first duty station, there was one thing all of us soldiers had in common, we didn’t quit. We had a shared will to overcome the hard things in pursuit of being better soldiers.
“Just quit, Private. This can all be over and you can go back home to hang out with your friends if you just quit.”
- Lamare’s Drill Sergeant in Basic Training
Why do I feel this is relevant?
There is an understanding among all people that have overcome difficult things. It starts with the small stuff. In U.S. Army training we conducted confidence building exercises, all of which forced us to face a fear and persevere. Runners understand the significance of finishing that first mile run without stopping, and weightlifters understand the confidence boost gained by breaking that lifting goal you set three months prior.
Psychologically, something happens in the mind. Scientists and psychologists admittedly don’t fully understand what, but there is one thing that is undeniable. What was considered impossible and then achieved can propel the individual into believing the next hard thing is also possible. An extremely impactful idea starts to take root in the mind, “I can.” It’s not enough to just say it, one must believe it so much that they keep going when others would normally quit. These two words are often what separate those who succeed and those who quit.
How many times have you said to yourself, “I can’t go without my morning [insert your favorite coffee shop here] everyday?”
How many time have you said something like, “I need that new pair of shoes, or dress, or pants, or suit, or car, or thing?”
Here is a challenge I charge you with. The next time you have that feeling to pull into that Starbucks for that $5 designer coffee, don’t. Keep driving and keep that $5 in your account. Pay very close attention to something the remainder of the day: did you die? Did the world crumble around you? Was the rest of your day a misery filled quagmire? Probably not.
The next step is to keep on driving by that coffee shop for a week. Is that $25 dollars now unspent on just coffee resting nicely in your account? Unbelievable… and you didn’t die. Hmmm
All things that we consider hard take will to overcome. First you have to think, even for a second, that the goal is achievable. “I think I can do that,” you say to yourself. Then you give it a try. You may even fail the first couple times, but the realization that it’s possible is still there and you muster the will to keep going… success!
At the top, the emotion of finishing will outweigh all the pain of the climb.
Remember that crazy neurotransmitter in Part 2 called dopamine? Well its back to make you feel all good inside. You did something you didn’t think you could and your brain is now giving you a chemically-induced emotional reward. You want more of that, right?
The more you set these goals and achieve them, the more the dopamine hits keep coming. Whether you realize it or not, you are rewiring your brain to view meeting these hard financial goals as just as pleasing as those shopping trips. You are establishing constructive financial habits. So much so, that when you backslide and pull into that coffee shop you may feel what we call guilt. This is the acknowledgement that you committed a wrong when you could have done the right thing.
The seed of the tree of financial success is having the will to do the hard thing. Not all people have this. That is a hard truth. These are the people you know that will complain about their condition, but do nothing to change it. The seed is an idea, a mantra… ”I can.”
You can stop spending money on things you don’t need.
You can budget.
You can prioritizing your spending.
It all starts with the willpower to do it. After doing it for a while, you will look for the next mountain to climb. And the next. And the next.
But here is a warning to you. Not everyone will want to climb those mountains with you. Many may even tell you how dumb it is to do it. “That’s dangerous,” “Why do that when you could just hang out here in the valley?” “You think you are better than us because you have climbed up that hill?”
“Your new life may cost you your old one”
As you shift your paradigm and transform into a better you, people can only accept you in your former state may not be excited for the new you and your new goals…
You may find yourself in a position to decide what is more important. Climbing that mountain because you know life is better up there, or hanging out with the folks that are comfortable living in the valley.
From me to you, I hope you choose to climb. And when your hands and legs hurt, keep going. Take a second to look back but only to see how far you have come, then get back to climbing. Don’t rest on your laurels, there is more to go. You may feel uncomfortable, emotional, and tired. A little voice in your head will say, “if you stop climbing, the pain will stop.” Don’t listen.
In due time, you will find yourself at the top. And the view will be so wonderful, you’ll wonder why you spent so long in the valley.
