Arrogance vs Confidence: Speak Up? Or Stay Quiet?

Jul 26

Jul 26 Arrogance vs Confidence: Speak Up? Or Stay Quiet?

The following Marianne Williamson’s quote as modified on a piece of art I designed for some wall art:

I am very much an introvert. My energy resurges at home, in the quiet, with just me and my love. It normally takes speaking up to improve someone else’s circumstances to motivate me to pipe up and draw attention to myself to make it worth overcoming the introvert inertia. And it’s not actually drawing attention to myself as much as it is drawing attention to the idea or issue I’m highlighting. I don’t pipe up to talk about me. I’ll pipe up to defend my team or advance a teammate’s great idea.

Another big reason I prefer to stay quiet is because I don’t trust people. Being vulnerable is so hard. It can really be worth it, but it’s risky business. People generally pursue their own best interests, whether or not it suits yours.

A few weeks ago, I was told by a friend at work how arrogant at work I had become. She was frustrated I was making choices that didn’t seem to suit her preferences for my reputation and career. I was completely blindsided. Up until that moment, I had spoken to her as my friend, not as a colleague, with extra pep and self-reassurance.

Of course she would understand what I was saying as arrogant if she was hearing me speak as a colleague. If only I had known.

Now I feel like I’m in damage control. Not for the friendship, but for my team at work. I don’t want this to affect anyone else. Right now, I feel like I’m extra alert to what other people think. On edge for the other shoe to drop about the next mistake I’ll make. Under normal circumstances, I do what I know is right, and that helps conquer the fears of self-doubt.

However, being confronted by someone I had trusted… All of that self-confidence that seemed arrogant is no longer being projected through these lips. Mum’s the word, lest anyone else think I’ve gotten too big for my britches.

And I’m realizing, after the hurt has dissolved and turned to disappointment, that my team might be paying the price for my clamming up during this moment. By sitting on my self-confidence, so as not to upset anyone else, I’ve sidelined myself from solving organizational challenges at work. Because, if I’m honest, politicking is how we humans make organizational change, at least where I come from. Sitting on the bench, absenteeism, pick your metaphor for not going to bat for what’s best for my team… that doesn’t do anyone any good.

Regardless of my temporary self-doubt (I was promoted and awarded this week so something I’m doing must be working at some level), I need to keep up the good fight. People are going to say whatever they are going to say. If I am arrogant because I refuse to accept charges made one of the people closest to me, so be it. It is better for her not to be around me, if that’s how she views my efforts; negativity doesn’t do anyone any good.

But I’ll stand true to what I know to be right. Certain behaviors are not permissible in an office environment, and I will identify them, and offer solutions for how to mend things and move on. If I see a train wreck headed our way, I will also identify the potential risk, and how we might avoid or overcome such challenges. Because that’s who I am, and that’s what I do. I can’t help myself, to some degree, because I think of the risk of not piping up and having the discussion. An ounce of prevention vs a pound of cure!

This self-reflection was a good reminder for me of my strength and confidence in who I am, and what I stand for, regardless of an external opinion. I know that as we pursue our dreams of self-sufficiency, homesteading, financial independence, and all the other joys of life, that we’ll have nay-sayers on deck. I hope they find peace, but we don’t have time for haters.